Text sent @ 3:41 am: oh so sorry. BIG HUGE favor if u get this. Out in mangroves. Can c my boat. Bleeding hands from rowing, soaking wet clothes, at it @ 4 hours, blinding headache & dead battery in 2 mins. Got a strobe light & flare, rather use strobe. If/when this shit calms down, I'll fix this shit myself. Fine. Cold. Pissed.
I had gotten a email from an old friend- one of my besties, that said he was riding through town, having a beer. Had not seen him in two years. He did not know where I was, just this island, and he was having a beer with some friends. No real plans. Didn't know the name of the place, but gave me a mile marker, some other description and said something about maybe being around depending on a few things (read strippers) and coming back up through again (read, if the casino is good to me & the stripper hasn't stabbed me or given me too bad a case of crotch rot).
It was a very hard wind & water night. I'm way too new to boating to have even considered leaving to go on shore, especially after dark, but I didn't even give it a second thought. Put on my white capri's (sounded like he was at a nice place (obviously the casino was good to him on the way down), a beaded sheer top, rowed to shore- not too hard wind going that way. Hopped on my bike & rode like the wind. So thrilled to see my guy.
You'd have to know our friendship. I've travel the world, in the last few years the USA. Lately, on my motorcycle. This guy I met along the way over the years, like a few others. So similar are we that we camp together sometimes. Strictly platonic. Can only last up to a few months, or there will be blood- so similar.
But I guess we both provide something for each other that's kind of missing otherwise. Like for me- he gets shit done that's just out of my expertise. He teaches me new things, all sorts of stuff, anything he knows that I don't. He's the one that took me all the way up to NY- Brooklyn, baby! & got the motorcycle. Sat there, tinkered with the bitch, got it running with 30 year old spark plugs in it & gave me the thumbs up. I actually talked the guy down to something like $300 or $600. Guy says, what, are you a Jewess? -Why, yes I am. I can see my friend with his shoulder slightly shaking, huge smile on his beautiful face while he's still tinkering. -Just hand the guy his money, honey. Needed to stretch my business brain & it's New York, baby! Put the bike on the truck & I hadn't wheels for oh, so long.
We've joked that I'm the wife he'll never have. He travels for work, I make my work, so it's pretty easy to. end up crossing paths. It's nothing for me to stop awhile. He has his schedule. I figure out all the fun stuff. The fairs, festivals, freak shows, flea markets. The out of the way places that don't hit the papers. Interesting things. I find the out of the way places I know we'd both like. Go & find them when he's at work- kind of part of my work anyway. I design the projects that we both end up working on & he teaches me something new. He's a excellent teacher, if not all that patient, but it's not that he's not right, I'm just a little slow on the uptake sometimes. Couldn't be more fun. Still, his personality & mine. Whoa. Anything equal to or greater then mine will never mesh for any length of time. We learned this early on & neither takes offense, we just call it a trip before we get mean & move on. Or rather, we used to. He's gotta have something going on I'm not understanding, which is fine. I'm patient, but I won't won't sit there & be talked to like that, not on & on & on & on. That wasn't about me, I gaurentee. Don't dump your shit on me, or if you do, be man enough to apologize. Don't wait a few years or never. It's gonna cost you. So, I guess we'll meet up next time around. Shame. I do miss him.
So, Asshole finds that he can't stick around for one more beer with his friends. Dick. Any place that comes close to matching his description is closed. Asswipe. I look some more, write him a scathing email & let him know what he can do with the information, plus where he can find me when I'm happy again, which will only be tomorrow morning, so come on by (he's very used to this flavor- most probably amused). I go back.
The wind is at 25 knots, gusting to 30 & still coming onshore. Damn. I'm gonna try. That took an hour of uselessness. Getting sucked into the millionaire's marina & dragging my dingy out. Fuck me with a Thousand Dildos. That was no fun. Got sucked under the dock. There's security cameras, so someone's gonna enjoy that sometime soon. I won't even mention the Social Experiment I was maybe caught at by their security a week before. Damn it, never never never in my life been nabbed before. Wet & pissed. Bile rolling off the tongue in Turkish again. My command of English curses feels limited & that's pissing me off too.
Sit on shore. Smoke. Think. Maybe a hour more. Really high wind. Rookie mistake, but worth it for a good friend. I could just stay up all night, wait for better weather. What's one sleepless night?
Oh My God! Salvation? Ponytail Dude! Haven't really met him. Briefly once before. His dingy has a motor. No clue which boat is his (oblivious strikes again), but mine is one of the closest. So I tell him I'm a bit stuck. Can he help me out? Do I have gas? He isn't sure he can even make it to his own boat, he might have to row some. Well, just filled my bike, but I don't have a siphon or can, but give me a minute, I'll think of something. These islands are a scavenger's paradise (fucking trash heap). He don't even take a second. Nope, sorry. Maybe next time. And he's gone. In your dreams, buddy. See if I'll piss on you if you're ever on fire.
Now- I ride a bike. It's 30 years old and we've been all over for a few years now. You know I've been stuck. Not just side of the road stuck. Waiting for parts stuck. Never, ever have I ever run into a biker- and you don't have to wait but 30 minutes on most any given road before that happens- who left you without at least some assistance. Even my little jap bike with it's metric tools can't help a harley, but I got all sorts of fluids & such. I'm pulling over. Even if you need my phone or run you a errand. Those are the unwritten rules. If you're able, you do.
Fuckwad friend of mine is now really catching my wrath in my head. Somebody's got to. Isn't my fault. (Oh, Denial, Lovely. Pretty). This is gonna cost him. Not only for the way we parted- couldn't hear that I gave my Word about something to do my best not 24 hours before he showed up wanting me to hop in for a road trip- wouldn't I have just loved to, though. I couldn't just leave. I was itching for it. He wasn't helping. Now this. Couldn't give me 20 more minutes. 10 minutes. Knowing I was coming? This is gonna hurt him more then it's gonna hurt me. I Guarantee.
So, I'm stewing and Ponytail Dude has been gone for a bit. I figure, what the hell- no effort, no knowing. So I get in and steer clear of the millionaire's marina.
Two Mother Fucken hours later I'm like 20 feet away from my boat. My back is killing me. Like screaming pain. Calluses busted wide open bleeding. The cut to the bone a day ago wide open, gushing blood. My white Eddie Bauer capris taking the brunt of this mess & this is what in my punch drunk state is concerning me.
I can set a dislocated shoulder. Dig a toy out a toddler's choking throat. Even hold pressure on a gushing wound- on someone else. I have learned to be able to glance at my own blood going from needle to vial. My own blood just coming out? Noooooo. No, Thank You. Don't really know why. Got balls of steel in so many departments. Can even lock this down in front of people if it's just a cut, but a gusher- I may fall over. I have fallen over. I have lost time. FUBAR. And really, screw the pants. It was the color of rusted iron reflected in the blue moon light.
But I was going to make it, even if I was going to pay for it with weeks of bed rest (had had back surgery years ago- they did a excellent good job considering). Grit my teeth & put my all into it. Another wave comes over the side & I loose a oar. Don't have oar locks, much less matching oars.
By the time I get the spare oar, I'm so far from my boat, I'm now 20 feet away from the mangroves. Piss Shit Fuck & Damn.
Well, I know when I'm beat. I need the rest anyway. Water floats me right into a nook so I have some cover from the wind. I've got a fair amount of water & let's not forget blood in the dingy. Soaking wet, freezing cold & pissed off. Humiliated. Gonna curse something. Time to curse the Ocean.
Time to bail the dingy. Iron ore red. Strip to undies & get low to the bottom of boat. Sit Indian Style & double over. Keep the core warm. Remember what I was taught. Fucked a fair amount of army boys. Hell, army, navy, air force & marines! Serving the boys in uniform who serve us. Ummm. Bless those boys.
Contemplating that shameful text to come. Turn on the phone and check when the tide will turn- @ 7am ish. When will the wind & water will calm? Never. Excellent. Just what I expected. Sent that damn text & another similar one. Turned on the strobe light and Abandoned All Hope. Hunkered down for a long night & that's what I got.
Still kind of had a few things to do before I could try to get comfortable. Even for the little bit of shelter I had, the water was slinging the dingy around a bit, so I had to wedge it in so I could keep the strobe light facing the one direction it could be seen. Some of these boaters go out before first light to get water, and do any number of things, so I had a chance for something, anything if it could be seen. Not turned back into the shadows. Second, my damn pants. They had been soaked in blood for hours & I needed something to get as much water/blood out of the bottom of the dingy so I could really lay low, so I sacrificed them. Had to keep ringing them out & rinsing them out. Great, laundry at 3am. Practically naked, goose bump cold & cursing in German finally. Something about the devil & the deep blue sea. Talking to myself, apparently, and still a bit punch drunk. I had filled a five gallon water tank- the one with a few tiny holes, of course. There was no escaping cold & wet tonight. At least I could drink as much water as I needed & that helped. I was a Human Suction Cup there for awhile with that water. A few other little things, like rearranging the stuff in the dingy so I could get low & out of the last of the puddle.
So, I do, but I have to sit Indian Style. Fold up like a Chesapeake Bay blue crab. Really Beat to Hell, so when my legs go to sleep, I couldn't give less of a fuck. But, back surgery girl should have thought... think I actually fell asleep for a bit. Dead legs when I came to. Still let it go. Freezing cold. Way beyond goose bumps. Don't care if body parts break off when I move, I'm not moving yet. Light's not coming up- it's not close to 7am, so it's just time to curse Poseidon some more. I imagine he can appreciate German and Arabic. Bastard.
By the time I can feel the tide becoming the least bit slack and the first bit of light, I'm ready to try. Now I've got to move. Shit, forgot. It easily took 15 minutes to go from Dead Weight to the full Fuck Me only a person with nerve damage will know what this feels like (if you've ever had your skin peeled off, that's it, but it's your nerves) to a more human pins & needles. Finally, I can breath. Of all the years I've been on seizure and nerve inhibitors & migraine meds, I have only ever forgotten to take them with me a handful of times. Guess what? Exactly! This being a personal perfect storm. Yep.
I couldn't be much more fed up with myself. Still, I got my sense of humor and I swear to all Mother Mary that I will figure this out. No clue how. The migraine has by now taken the vision from my left eye. Classic. Just want I need. I'll be puking again soon. Just try to not get it in the dingy this time.
Time to get out of the mangroves & move my ass. Christ! Who would have ever thought that took that much effort? That dingy looked like the probable aftermath of if Jacob and the Angel had struggled in there! No shit! That took like a half an hour & I lost easily like three times. Not counting the three more I had no clue how many freaking claws there were down there to fuck with my oars. What a mess. Dejected.
Talking to myself again. I do it all the time actually, so I'm not worried about my state of mind. I'm just trying to figure out a plan of attack. I've been throwing darts at the board & now I'm tired.
Back in that fucking nook. Not looking so good to me now. Wrap my capris around my hands. Gonna need the help. Try it a few different ways so I can not only grab but row. One more time. Got it! Nothing makes you feel more powerful then success after a ton of failure! I was right close to the millionaire's condo's to know I was waking people up when I start belting out Iggy Pop's Asshole Rules the Navy! Felt so good.
Barely got back to my boat. Holding on for dear life to a pinch of it you shouldn't be putting weight on. Desperate. Still hard wind & water. Flopped into my baby, stripped nude, closed up the boat, rolled into bed with some water, all the imitrex a girl could handle & thanked my lucky stars I had the warmest, ugliest blanket in the world.
