we're all niggers now

how young & stupid I was. how wonder a country, a city, to know that you have time to grow up. depending, that is, on how stupid you are & what part of the country you are in. sadly, the color of your skin does buy you some grace, for reasons that have always made a difference for or against you... well, this being one of those days, I didn't know what I had just earned, but I figured I was paying the piper now.


i have a great friend that is an activist & musician from back in the 60s- yea, uh, huh. a beautiful black man dreaded out. a mix of dutch, scotch & island indies. what an interesting life. stories that blow me away. he lives a nice life with his wife & cat. very creative, very special to me. his wife is a beautiful woman. a strong, intelligent woman. college professor in such a mind blowingly great area to talk about for a pleb. going over there, sharing a bottle of wine, having a smoke, a nice dinner is a great send off for my road trips- or any time of the year. so, he’s riffing one time, singing to me & i caught it on my phone & made it his personal ringtone. it was how big business & government has turned us all into rats running the race. the chorus… we’re all niggers now, we’re all niggers now.

well, i caught about twenty seconds more & it was great. i got it loud & clear. now i’m a baltimore girl, born & bred. there isn’t anywhere i haven’t walked, day or night. i’ve lived in the village, country, city & ghetto. i’ve attended to emergencies or inadvertently caused them. ey! it’s city living & i’m a city girl. so, i’m making my way home from somewhere & i’m taking the late bus on a friday night going right through the heart of the ghetto. can’t be helped & i’m not even gonna try.

i’m sitting near the front of the bus & pretty much across from me is a middle age woman. you just know this woman works a steady job & always has. she is the cornerstone of her family & has lifetime responsibilities. a few seats behind me is a crazy old man with a cane talking some serious shit to the voices in his head. he has the disability check & he’s lucky if he has any family or friends that answer the door when he knocks. in the back is three twenty something ass-cracks with do-rags, dripping in gold & grills. nefarious characters that think they got it all. at least they are trying, working on it & having fun in the process. they are playing with their phones & fooling around. the bus driver is working his day, too & it’s another case of ‘the only white girl for miles around’. all the sudden my phone goes off & it’s my dreaded friend calling.

it takes a few seconds to hit me. if i ever have a tombstone, it should probably have my most likely last words on it. ‘holy shit’. dummy me had one of those big open bottomless pocketbooks. i popped up to the seats across from me & start digging in the damn thing. look over to the big mirror to see the driver looking at me, jaw dropped, shaking his head. looking me straight in the eyes. by the time the chorus is kicking in again, the middle age woman is doing the baltimore woman head shake & giving me the -uh, huh, i know that’s right, but i’m still in a bit of a panic. there’s only four words from the depths of my humongous purse that are absolutely crystal clear -we’re all niggers now!

i’m looking around & digging hard now but for the life of me i can’t get ahold of the damn phone. i got all eyes on me. the three boys in the back are silent. expressionless. the one with a baseball cap changed it’s position while i looked up at him. too many gangland symbolism to even try to know, but regardless a movement like that made me swallow hard. holeymotherfuckenshitfromhell, i may be taking a beating tonight. damn it!

the phone stops ringing & now i start explaining myself to the whole bus, got one hand going at the same time the other’s looking for the phone… -this my friend’s ringtone. he’s great, he’s an activist from way back, you’d love him, he’s dreaded, he’s singing about how big business & the gov’ment got us all panting for the penny! about now is when the damn phone starts ringing again. goddamn it, what could he possibly want at this hour? now i flip my pocketbook over because i got everybody shaking their head at me except the middle age woman who’s giving me the -amen! well, the phone fell behind the seat & just about everything scattered. you can really hear the chorus now that the phone is on the floor & i’m cursing my friend in a mosh of languages. it didn't matter the cute trueness of the thing in the moment i made this ring-tone, i hadn't thought about being misunderstood. i think the Great Point got across to Most, but did i really need the test to see if i had to explain myself further to someone not willing to listen? maybe, but this certainly wasn't the time or place- or was it? i waffled on that for a long time, thinking i did a awful thing to my own people, but being in a different place where nobody will stand up for anybody or anything for any reason, i see my community took care of me even in the iffiest of situations. no real explanation needed. i also see the bus driver’s jaw dropping further as he’s wrenching his neck & body to turn & see this shit. he never stopped shaking his head, looking at me. nobody rings the bell, but he’s pulling over & opening the door. oh no, i done done it now.

the silly old man is popping up out of his seat & raising his cane, coming at me. not fast, but… my first reaction was laughter. i mean, come on! he was a frail old thing. that cane would have hurt, but i would have only let him strike me once & taken it from him & that’s all. still, things instantly got a whole lot worse. really really looked bad. bad as it could get. the boys jumped the seats & were running down the aisle. fast. fuck me!

i was slipping on whatever makeup & shit that had hit the floor, and i was headed for the door. i said -thank you, sir! as i swung on the pole. he wasn’t even stopped yet. i got to look back as i was rounding the corner & it stopped me cold. the three boys surrounded the old man. they did nothing but hold his cane & surrounded him, told him to calm down as they helped him to his seat. they all sat down with him, while they gave me the nod with huge smiles on their faces. the bus driver asked me what i wanted to do. i told him i wanted to find my damn phone. he said -yeah!