a sinking boat show

went down to the baltimore harbor when the kid was still little. we were with a friend, so we put her on his shoulders because the crowd was so thick. it was the harbor lights parade boat show. there are some crazy homemade boats in this thing most years. most of what’s on show is incredible for all sorts of reasons, but some of them are in just it because of how outrageous there are. welcome to baltimore, hon.

so, there’s like 1,000 people just in our vicinity & the boats are going by & it’s neat. we’re having a great time. this one boat is coming up, all strung up with tons of light. just tons. but he’s having some problems & he’s calling out to one of the other captains. all the sudden you see like the bow of his boat just lurches into the water. what?!? now, we got some action. light bulbs popping & this guy is hoping to up there, fixing as he goes. cursing & i’ll bet getting bit by some volts by the sound of it. so funny. the parade is coming to a bit of a halt.

everybody on shore hushes. it’s like being at the drive-in for the good part. only the sound of a toddler every here & there. the boat in front of him comes back & throws him a line while the rest of his boat starts sinking- evening out actually, so the boat in back of him throws him a line. he does whatever he does for a few minutes & they seem ready to be on their way, crisis averted.

i really don’t know, but his boat then seemed to crack down the middle. like an egg. now we got little fires lighting up on his boat, things spitting bits of lightning. snap, crackle & pop. captain is still dancing an irish jig, trying not to die, i figure. a few of the spectators- like good city folk- are whoopin’ it up & cheering, but then we get quiet again. we don’t want to miss a thing. there’s enough light to see the boat captain in front of this guy, standing there watching this, hat in hand, scratching his head. sinking boat guy is working not to sink, get electrocuted, look like the biggest dumb-ass in holiday harbor lights history & probably make it on the news, the captain behind him at one point stops & cries out -you gotta be kiddin’ me!

well, it’s a very baltimore thing to say & i guess it just tickled all us onshore so much because the wave of laughter that swept through that harbor was the cherry on the sundae. i don’t know how these guys got it together, but the boat didn’t sink, at least not there or that i heard of. the parade continued & it was another perfect example of how perfect your hometown will always be.